9/06/2010

What Would CB Do ?

Hey fuckers Wolf here. Now you've probably been in situations and wondered to yourself "What the fuck am I going to do now?" Well wonder no more.

So I wanted to ask everyone's favorite trash talkin, Xanex popping, high heeled, crazy brunette bitch who reeks of cabbage (Yeah you know I had to throw that in there)-I DON'T SMELL LIKE CABBAGE DAMNIT! what she would do if these situations were to happen to her.

1. CB you're at you're favorite mall. You spot THE perfect pair of shoes (insert designer label here) You try them on and they're a perfect fit, not only that they're on sale. You go to pay for them- only when you do some other bitch grabs them when you're back is turned and makes a mad dash to the counter to pay for them. What do you do CB?....what the fuck do you do?

Calm down Wolfy! I'm on it! First, I think you need a Xanex... Second, what the FUCK is wrong with this cunt? Who DOES THIS? Well, this dumb bitch has obviously lost her mind and she is fucked because my favorite ex-Army guy taught me to take a bitch down with a BIC pen and make it appear to be an accident... maybe I should wear a Warning label from now on.

2. You and Mr. CB are out on the town about to go to dinner to the finest Apple Bee's around. Everything is going great until the waitress starts to flirt with Mr. CB. And not just flirt her tits are practically shoved right in Mr. CB's face, what do you do?  

You have totally and utterly just mind fucked everyone here asshole. They all think YOU are Mr. CB... No matter how many times we tell them. Anyway, you have left out the deciding factor... is Mr. CB reciprocating the whore? If so, then he is FUCKED. He is never getting better than whats already at home and if he doesn't know that, then he will NOT like how that lesson is taught.

If she's just a slut, then let her slut it up... he's coming home with me. I'm not the jealous wife Wolfy...

3. You're in traffic off to pick up some Xanex and beer. At a red light some ass clown pulls up beside you with the top down and rockin out to some shitty music like Justin Beiber or Marky Mark. This ass licker is also singing along which sounds like a cat in heat being shoved in a meat grinder ass first. How long does it take you to snap and what do you do?

The most important things you mentioned here is that I am OUT of XANEX and BEER. I am not capable of DRIVING at this point. But, I'd eventually pop over to his drivers side window and ask if his boy-friend knew he was out or not? And if he didn't shut the fuck up I'd hunt his boyfriend down and fuck him straight.

4. You're at home on a Sunday morning the doorbell rings and two Jehovah's witnesses are at the door trying to preach their crap on you and won't take no for an answer. What do you do?

I'm a Catholic. They stay as fucking FAR as they fucking can away from my ass! If by some OFF chance they keep their shit up after I've told them that I come from the worst possible religious persuasion... then I tell them that my Dad taught me to shoot a rifle at the ripe old age of 5 and I haven't missed a mark since I was 6.

5. You and Jessica Biel have to fight it out in a kiddie pool full of jello and whip cream. Please tell me what you would do (wipes away drool thinking about it)

Take pictures.

6. You win a free vacation to go anywhere in the world for two weeks with unlimited shopping. were talking all the fucking shoes you can carry or have shipped by UPS and their free. The only catch is that you have to stay underwater in a metal cage and feed sharks out in the ocean. What would you do?

Haha bitch. Fuck you, fuck them, fuck the ocean and fuck the fucking sharks. Thanks for teasing me though asshole!

7. You're out getting groceries, while grabbing a can of industrial strength peanut butter some 70 year old bitch because she's too impatient to wait decides to ram her cart into the back of you're leg. What do you do?

Why the FUCK do I need Industrial Size peanut butter? Is there some dork convention that I am unknowingly hosting or what? Since she's 70, I'm guessing I have to smile through the pain at her old ass because it's probably my damn Grandma!

8. You have to cook something in the kitchen what do you do?

DAMNIT. Open the Windows and Turn on the fan- Notify the Fire Dept.

9. Let's fast forward a couple of years, you're children are old enough to date. One of them brings their date home for the first time. You meet them only to discovery their covered in piercings, and dressed like a vampire, not the sparkly ragging with wimpy bitch Twilight type vampires but the "I dress all in black and cut myself for attention type vampire" What do you do?

A couple of years??? What the fuck Wolf? My kids are 6 &3!!!!!! I smack him, I'd smack her and tell them to quit acting like dumbfucks!

And let's never forget that you are like 30 and I am ONLY 26. So quit trying to make me feel old goddamnit!

10. And finally you're at a movie theater enjoying a movie. Right beside you some asshole has major gas problems and keep letting stink bombs go that are so bad you can practically see a green cloud of ass mist spew from them. There are no seats to move to so because the place is full, what do you do?

I can't go to the movies for SPECIFICALLY this reason! I do not do dumbfucks with NO manners! and unfortunately there are TOO many out there to chance jail time when one of them pisses me off too badly!

That's all for now I don't want to make CB's brain hurt. The next post CB gets to find out what kind of shit I would do.

23 comments:

  1. I think you should sell WWCBD bracelets! They would be the finest fashion statement in every maximum security prison for women all over America. Of course the bracelets are probably what got those bitches thrown in there, but who gives a shit about minor details like that...

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  2. Why have I never seen this blog?? And since when are you out of Xanex? It's like the fuckin' Twilight Zone up in here!!!

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  3. I love the new layout!!!

    Anyway, CB, I'm so fucking proud that you're not the jealous-wife type. Also, you should try to feed that dude who listens to Bieber the CD. I'm just sayin'.

    And Wolfy, why do you insist that CB reeks of cabbage? Why?

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  4. Well for number 2 I cant let the bitch get away w/ that so I'd handle it for you. Only time some bitches titties should be in your mans face is if they are yours or your in the club

    For the Jehovah's I hide and every time my stepson is here he answers the damn door. I hide though like the FEDS are at my door..lmao

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  5. CB smells like cabbage ?
    Is there a cure ?
    Nice new layout, I like it .
    :-)

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  6. Wow! Thanks for letting us crawl around in CB's head for a bit. I never new her and Jessica had a thing. Oh, and please don't use a BIC pen on me.
    BTW...awesome layout CB.

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  7. The only down-side to the WWCBD bracelets is that the answer is always the same:
    Pop a Xanex and beer, and smack a bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ash- AWESOME fucking idea! I love it!

    Donda- You LOVE it!!!!

    Gnetch- I KNOW right? What is with the cabbage???

    Chrissie- I know you've always got my back hoe!

    Max- Damn right you do!

    Copyboy- That's right! I can take a fucker out with a Bic!!! So watch it!

    Margret- Thanks!

    Bluz- You know me too well!

    ReplyDelete
  9. @ Ashlee I like the idea, we could use the money to buy fancy cars and condo's in Miami

    @ Donda yes you have entered another dimension, a dimension of WTF

    @ Gnetch It's a well known fact that girls born in Kansas reek of cabbage, I saw it on the Discovery channel I swear

    @ Max Evel the cure involves something to do with a virgin sacrifice and a goat. When my understanding of Latin is better I can tell you more

    @ Copyboy yeah it's a scary place in there

    @ Margret thanks glad you like it, the blog loves you too

    @ Bluzdude if it ain't broke don't fix it I say

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  10. LMFAO!! THIS is pure entertainment!

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  11. lmao OMG i'm dying!!! this was classic!!! LOVED it!!

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  12. 9. Oh just not smart Wolf, not smart at all. Better run before you find yourself pelted with high heels, ninja style.

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  13. 1. shoes? BOOTS. I SAID BOOTS FUCKERS... jeez...
    2. could be worse. could have been Bob Evans.
    3. why i carry old spark plugs in the glove box.
    4. idk. the maid answers the door for fuck's sake. what do i LOOK like? fuuuuck...
    5. yes. polaroids
    6. i've seen jaws, and i got balls
    7. see 4 for fuck's sake. like i'd go grocery shopping...
    8. 4 AGAIN. get it right will ya? THA MAID...
    9. Bleed for me fuckers. feel fuckin free
    10. Magnum .45 thanks. One shot does the job. Thanks Harry...

    ReplyDelete
  14. This asshole said:
    lol this post...
    This asshole also said:
    lol this blog , looking forward to more

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm going to write about the only girl I ever dated who would respond to these questions abnormally. I broke up with PsychoOne right after the second time she tried to kill me.

    1. CB you're at you're favorite mall.

    Slip outside the store and wait for the bitch to come out. Pop her right between the eyes with the spiked heel of my FM pump, pick up the shoes and walk away like I owned the place.

    2. You and Mr. CB are out on the town about to go to dinner to the finest Apple Bee's around.

    If she's up for both of us, she's coming home for a night of the hottest, rawest sex she's ever had. If not, I get to watch.

    3. You're in traffic off to pick up some Xanex and beer. At a red light some ass clown pulls up beside you with the top down and rockin out to some shitty music...

    I don't do Xanex; I do opium. I yell something like, 'Hey, dick face! Why don't you shut up, you stupid motherfucker!' I keep it up until he gets out of his car and comes over to mine, whereupon I pull my gun and ask if he wants to pray first.

    4. You're at home on a Sunday morning the doorbell rings and two Jehovah's witnesses...

    I tell 'em to fuck off. If that doesn't work, I use pepper spray.

    5. You and Jessica Biel have to fight it out in a kiddie pool full of jello and whip cream. Please tell me what you would do (wipes away drool thinking about it)

    Stuff that would bend your mind and involve a whole lot more than jello and whipped cream.

    6. You win a free vacation...

    Buy four or five bang sticks and decide which bikini I want to wear.

    7. You're out getting groceries, while grabbing a can of industrial strength peanut butter some 70 year old bitch...

    Tell her, "Back off grandma or I'll have you eating your fucking dentures. You read me, bitch?"

    8. You have to cook something in the kitchen what do you do?

    Cook it. I'm a damn good cook.

    9. Let's fast forward a couple of years, you're children are old enough to date.

    First off, I hate kids. Hate 'em. If my kids lived (with me) long enough to become teenagers, I guaran-damn-tee you that they could take care of any wimpy pain boy (or girl) in costume.

    10. And finally you're at a movie theater enjoying a movie...

    I don't do movies, mainly because I can't sit still that long. Okay, assume I'm in the movie. I don't know what I'd do, probably tell him to get his fucking stomach fixed right fucking now or sit somewhere else.

    And that's the truth as I know it. PsychoOne was so hot she'd make Billy Graham put his Bible down and tell his ball and chain the whole thing was history. And that's hot.

    ReplyDelete
  16. arrrgh!
    you're = you are
    your = possessive
    x4 wrong in one post. wow.
    sorry am a bit OCD grammar nazi and a bit pissed at mo :)
    actually no i'm not sorry. if some asshole like me doesn't point out shit then how will people know what they are doing wrong!?
    no really sorry. bye.
    don't drink on an empty stomach.

    ReplyDelete
  17. @ ResCogitans put down the crack pipe and chill the fuck out. Nobody gives a sloppy monkey shit what you think in terms of proper grammer.

    ReplyDelete
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