Q & A Time Fuckers

Hey assholes, CB here. Wolf and I thought it'd be an awesome idea to do a Q & A post! I know right? So I begged the resident Meatbag, aka Douchebag Delight, aka Perv Pirate. Why yes, yes I did christen him with both of those little pet names. We're cool like that. And since the asshat has so thoughtfully decided to STOP FUCKING BLOGGING you wouldn't believe the things I had to do to him how hard it was for me to get him to do this! You better be grateful fuckers!

1. This question is for both of you: There are too many people talking about chipotle...what can we do about this?

Wolf : Back in the old days they used to burn fuckers to a stake for heresy, I think this would be an effective cure to this problem. We could also force them to watch Barney and freinds for 50 straight hours every time they mention the word chipotle.

CB- Like the restaurant??? What the fuck? I can't imagine Chipolte being so horrifically disgusting (I rather like it, thank you!) that the penalty would be death by a pyro maniac... I'll surely be doing a Google search on this shit later!

2. Wolf, the question is simple: Eat a bag of razor blades or fuck Betty White in the pooper?

Wolf :I would fucking destroy Betty White's pooper. Not only that I think because of her age she would probbly push back and later make me breakfast at which point I would probably opt to eat the razor blades to end the nightmares. 
(CB- making LOUD choking sounds while fucking GAGGING!)

3. To both of you: Gary Coleman was cremated. How much do you want to bet that his ashes just end up scattered in a litter box for a cat to shit in?

Wolf :You mean they havn't ?

CB- Um, do I give a shit? He was way before MY days you old fuckers! It'd be a real waste though... Bet those ashes would bring a pretty penny on Ebay!

4. To CB: What does a man have to do to REALLY impress you?
CB- Stand on his head with his thumb up his ass. Hey fuckers, that's talent okay???
           (Wolf- Good to see you have high standards CB!)

5. To both of you. Your dream has come true. You have been granted 5 minutes to beat the living fuck out of the person that you hate the most and a big box of bludgeoning weapons to do it with. Who are you going to destroy?

Wolf : The guy who invented reality TV that fucker needs to be taught a lession, I would soooooo love to take a sack of door knobs to that fucking tool for spawning that mind draining bullshit.

CB- First, I need NO weapons... I'm from 'the Dotte' and we don't fuck around. Second, there is no SPECIFIC person I would like to take out. I truly hate everyone equally. Now if you were to ask me when I'm stuck behind some cock sucker driving 15 miles an hour on a one lane road, in 100 degree weather and I'm about to run out of gas... My answer MAY change.

6. To both: Isn't it weird when somebody propositions to sing their favorite song directly into your anus??

Wolf : I've heard it's considered a compliment in Japan so as long as it's not country music and I'm not in some place weird..........like Kansas I'm strangly comfortable with this.

CB- Oh ha-fucking-ha asshole! You know, I was in Vancouver just the other day and this VERY thing happened to me!!!! He offered (begged really), I told him he could be my guest as long as I got to pick the song! Like I give a shit what HIS favorite song is! If he's singing to MY asshole, it's going to be something I want to hear!

7. To both: This hamburger needs something. What do you think it needs?

Wolf : Tequila

CB- Uuuuum CHEESE! I mean really. AND I want pickles, ON THE SIDE. NO fucking onions or I'll puke all over the fucking place! Oooooh, and black olives! Are there any black olives? I could totally do pasta salad too (NO GODDAMN ONIONS IN IT EITHER!) I'd also like to have a Miller Lite and when I'm done can you please light my cigarette for me and possibly get me some coconut cream pie?

Thanks fucker!
(Wolf- Fuck, you demand a lot, I think I would spit in your burger!)

8. To Wolf: We all know that CB says she loathes the word "fart" but not neccessarily the action of farting itself. Do you think it would be funnier to say fart to her or to fart in her direction?

Wolf : I think it would be funnier to cut one off while doing kung-fu moves, and at the moment I let loose yell out "fart" Mortal Kombat style then fire it off in her general direction.
(CB- Yes, that would be extremely hilarious asstard! EVEN GUEST BLOGGERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY THE 'F' WORD GOD DAMNIT!) 

9. CB: Let's say that in a wild and crazy turn of events in a super duper time machine, you and I went to high school together and we also went to the prom together. We are sitting in a kick ass 1979 Ford Pinto and I'm cranking up some Air Supply music and my pants are mysteriously missing. What do you do? What DO you do?

CB- Oh god... so how old would I be now??? You left out a few extremely important details, that I must know before giving my 'final answer'. 

1. How much Vodka have I already consumed?
2. Are we dating or did you just happen to get LUCKY and I let you take me?
3. Did you buy me dinner first?
4. Have you screwed any of my friends? Or better yet... my enemies?
5. What color is the car?

Every woman will agree that all of these MUST be answered before I can give you an appropriate answer.

10. To both: When is enough enough? This could apply to damn near anything. Make it apply to something I wouldn't expect.

Wolf : Enough is enough when I have to keep telling the midgets "It puts the lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose again" I mean fuck I know their short but their not fucking deaf. 
(CB is having trouble breathing... Fuuuck me, I can't top that shit. Well played fucker!)

CB- When an asshat Meatbag leaves a comment on my blog telling me I should get a cock tattooed across my jaw. I heart you fucker! 


  1. 2. I bet bagging Betty White in the pooper back in the 1940s was pretty good. She used to be fiiine.

    5. Five minutes to beat someone senseless? Rush Limbaugh. Or Glen Beck. Or Bill O'Reilly. Or anyone else that has lowered the level of political discourse and critical thinking over the last 10 years.

    6. I'm OK with their singing songs into the anus, as long as they haven't wrecked'em.
    (sorry... that needed to be done.)

    7. A hamburger ALWAYS needs more cheese. And bacon. CB, your love for black olives and pickles, plus disgust for onions, is yet another reason you and I get along.

    9. The first thing should be to turn off the God dammed Air Supply and put on something that is worth fucking to. I'm thinking "The William Tell Overture." (CB, that's the Lone Ranger song.)

  2. Well, the next fucker who says chipotle, as Wolf suggested, should, of course, be burned alive. That much is obvious. But before that, they should have gallons of chipotle pumped down their throats and into their bellies until almost at the point of popping. That's when you tie them to the stake for burning. That way, when the chipotle belly-bloated imbecile catches fire, the fucknot's pinyata-like stomach will burst open, sending piping hot, blistering spicy shit all over the chipotle lovers surrounding him, securely tied to their seats in a circle.

    Imagine the fun... the screams... the absolute horror... and then laugh before tripping a crippled fucker.

    I have to agree with CB. If some numb nuts wants to sing into my asshole, I most surely would let them... While they're singing something a song that Justin Bieber (or whatever the fuck that untalented kid's name is) sings, I would gleefully cut a squirting fart, having prepared my special anus gravy ahead of time by eating nothing but a steady diet of buttery brussel sprouts and a couple quarts of baked beans.

    This could also be something added to CB's perfect burger. Holy Tomatoes, Batman!

    Hey CB... fart-fart-fart-fart-fart...squirt.... Heh heh.

    These questions and answers were funny. To CB- I give you a hearty thumbs up my ass while standing on my head. To Wolf- I'm going to make you a nice sandwich using that same thumb.

  3. Bluz- Awwww... I heart you and your love for black olives and pickles!!! AND HAAAAATE FOR ONIONS!!!! Don't think I've ever heard the Lone Ranger Song. I'll google it along with Chipolte!

    Kelly- Nope, you are no longer allowed to comment if you feel the need to say that word! HOwever, I DO love the idea of you make the sandwich with the same thumb you used to ram up your ass!

  4. @ Bluz the Lone Ranger song is indeed the perfect choice for such an event.

    @ Kelly if you try to serve me a sandwich that you made that was handled by your thumb that was recently released from you're ass I would probably take the biggest possible shit in it and send it back your way........becuase I belive in sharing and all that.

  5. Oh hell that was funny as fuck!!!! Im followin this blog too now i love when people are just as foul mouth as I am , and in the south you dont get that much I get the crazy look like a southern belle aint supposed to talk that way I say fuck it and light up another cig!

  6. 4. Have you screwed any of my friends? Or better yet... my enemies?
    5. What color is the car?

    In regard to CB's vital prom questions...
    1. It's prom dear, you started drinking before you finished doing your hair... You're sauced!
    2. You really care if you're dating or not?
    3. If he bought you dinner, it's on the ground behind his car where you puked up your first 3 hours of drinking.
    4. Friends... enemies... it's High School. SAME THING!
    5. While normally I'd consider this the #1 question before getting in the car... I have to point out a key point... IT'S A PINTO!! You are have a seriously bad trip!! I told you to stay out of my stash it's too stong for you're fragile mind!

    Notice CB's mind never went to "are you a good fuck?" or "do you have a condom?" Gotta teach these young pups everything!!

  7. Brittney- I know... We are soooo fucking badass!!

    Princess Slut- WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN SKANK??? I've had the male customers complaining damnit!!!!

    I can't keep up with this work load all by myself!!!

    EVERY word hooker... EVERY word you said is true! God I love you!!! I can't even keep up a good banter whore... Im out of practice!

  8. Just noticed this link under your profile... now followin both of you sexy Bitches.

  9. I seriously don't even know what chipotle means!!! So I think it's a good thing? So Wolf wont have any reason to make me watch Barney and Friends for 50 fucking hours!

    Bitch, about your answer to question #9, I think it's also important to know if he brushed his teeth that day. Or if he brushes his teet at all!!! That's so fucking important to me! Aside from the 5 you mentioned of course!

  10. Gnetch- HAHAHA!! You know, I forgot to even Google that shit! You do it and tell me what the fuck it is!!!